Shame Off You is written by Alan Wright, the pastor of church I was a member. I also had the priviledge of leading a 4-week follow up class for Pastor Alan after he held a conference at his church, Reynolda. I say this as a disclaimer, but it is a very good book and worthy of your time. Shame is an important topic that often goes ignored and therefore many people are hindered in their walks with God as shame goes unaddressed. Shame will keep you from approaching God with your requests and keep you from living out who God has called you to be. Here are some thoughts from the book that I hope would encourage you to take the time to read it.

1. The world is filled with people under the weight of shame. Knowing you have to measure up in order to feel acceptable while knowing that you can’t quite measure up leaves you with a gnawing anxiety that wreaks havoc in your soul. We might recognize them as lies, but since the shame feels true, we live out of them. Other people also put shame on us. It is a common motivator in today’s world, and while it can get us to try harder, it never sets us free.


2. No matter what degree of shame you have experienced, you have a chance to let go of judgment, bitterness, and unforgiveness. Healing comes not just from the acknowledgment of the pain, but the forgiveness you choose to give. Forgiving does not mean denying or excusing the shame you suffered, but rather means letting go of its hold on your heart. The issue is never the capacity to forgive, but whether you desire to forgive.


3. God never uses shame to motivate us toward right living or excellence. He never motivates us by withholding His love from us.


4. One of shame’s greatest goals is to get you hiding from God. Fear of exposure leads us into hiding. In a shame‐free relationship, every ounce of Adam and Eve’s relationship went to exploring their future rather than covering their tracks. The humiliation and guilt of shame erode our self‐esteem and breeds deviousness and manipulation as a means of no letting our self’s to be exposed. Shame can only be healed once it is exposed.
   
   Doesn’t God already know us completely? Why then do we hide? We are afraid that he might expose it and shame us some more. We are afraid He may confirm our fears of rejection and unloveliness. God is not hiding from us; He wants to be known. He wants to heal us so we can experience the abundant life He is offering.


5. God’s answer for our shame is not personal success nor God’s pledge to take away our pain. God’s answer is, and always has been, to be with us in our pain, to bear our shame, and nourish us for the journey ahead. We do not overcome shame by focusing on our success. The effort to hide the truth of our inadequacies through the façade of success builds more walls around our hearts. Shame is overcome by walking with God.


6. Christians don’t substitute idols for God; they add idols in addition to Him. We raise up idols in our lives to salve the wounds of our past. Something happens to us and we make a commitment never to be hurt like that again, so we establish an idol to protect us from that pain. Ultimately the idol doesn’t give you peace, instead it gives you constant pressure to always please it. When we don’t perform well enough for our idols, it mocks us and sends us back to even deeper shame.

If you want to lead a class at your church based on this book, here are my handouts for Shame Off You Follow Up Class (PDF).

I also led a small group through the principles of this book. We were primarily focused on as parents how do we keep shame off our kids, but one major point is shamed people shame... wounded people wound. You are welcome to the Shame Off You Bible Study (PDF), just know that some of it will ask parenting questions. The small group focused on the following concepts.

Chapter 1: The Power of Words
Chapter 2: The Power of Marriage
Chapter 3: The Power of Forgiveness
Chapter 4: The Power of Confession
Chapter 5a: The Power of God’s Voice
Chapter 5b: The Power of Celebration
Chapter 6: The Power of Mom and Dad
Chapter 7: The Power of Boundaries
Chapter 8: The Power of Walking With Jesus
Chapter 9: How to Change Others
Chapter 10: How the Church Tries to Change You
Chapter 11: How the Gospel Tries to Change You
Chapter 12: How Idols Keep You from Real Change

I will strongly encourage you getting this book. It would be a great start experiencing more of the grace of Christ in your life.

image courtesy of Despair, Inc.

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. - Proverbs 28:13

What is the importance of confession? Have you ever thought about this question? So many times in my Christian walk I have been told that without confession there is no forgiveness. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us of all unrightousness" (1 John 1:9). The problem is we have already been forgiven (1 John 2:12). And, if that were not the case, we would never have confessed all of our sins in order to find complete forgiveness.

So, what is the importance of confession? There is an interesting passage in Hosea that I believe brings to light God's desires for confession. It is found in Hosea 2: 5–13 and Hosea 14–23. The book of Hosea is about how God made the prophet go marry a prostitute to symbolize God's love for Israel. This passage shows the rationale of the importance of exposing sin.

What is God’s response to Israel’s sin? He actively blocks her path to keep her from her lovers; he takes away His provisions for her; and He exposes her lewdness.

Is the response based out of anger or love? LOVE. How do you know? Israel could not receive God's love for her while she was still holding on to other lovers. He removed His blessing, not as a form of punishment, but in an attempt to make her feel her weakness without Him. He knew her attachment to these other lovers would hinder her from receiving the full measure of His love, and He loved her too much to leave her sin hidden.

What is God’s attitude once He exposes her? This part is just amazing. Once He gets her to a place of weakness, He tries to win back her affection. He allures her. He speaks tenderly to her. He starts to give back that which He withheld. It is amazing to see God as such a jealous lover that fights for His bride, yet after fighting He does not assume her love. He humbly seeks to win her favor. The God, who can do anything He wants, does not presume that we will respond, but seeks to make us want to by courting us.

How does the relationship change between them? Before the relationship was a servant/master. Now, it is one of lovers - a husband/wife. Do you see? This is God's plan. He wants intimate lovers, but sin hinders our view of Him and the best we can see the relationship being is servant/master. We confess our sins, not for the forgiveness. We confess our sins in order to walk out our forgiveness. Because I know that I am forgiven, I can expose my sins to the light of His love to see He does not hold hatred or disappointment in me, but love and forgiveness.

Leaving our sins hidden in darkness exposes lies we believe about God's forgiveness - that we have gone beyond His grace or He will not take care of me. We are not some sort of project that we have to be corrected or supervised in order to gain His favor. He loves us because He delights in us. We bring Him joy.

Sin saddens God's heart not because it angers Him (remember Jesus dealt with that), but because He loves us so much He wants us to experience all of the joy in His heart for us. Stop worrying about your ministry or what other may think of you. Confess your sins so that you may run in the delight of God's extravagant love for you.

Romans 8:1,

Kevin Shorter
follow us at @praytelNET

Gary Thomas is becoming a quick favorite in the Christian community with his series of books. I just recently finished leading a group at my church through a study of the his Sacred Marriage book and would encourage it to you. In a society that views life from the filter of what is in it for me, Thomas lays out a thesis in the Sacred Marriage that marriage is about making you holy. This book should challenge your thinking and redouble your efforts to work on your marriage. There is a choosing to follow God with your marriage; you cannot just let it come on its own.

Marriage is meant to be hard because it is two incomplete people trying to make life work together. The glory of this union is that as you succeed in making it work, you also learn how to make that same type of union work with God. That to me is one of the greatests gifts of marriage is the insight it provides to our relationship with God. Your marriage to your spouse is intended to represent Christ's love for the Church (Ephesians 5:31-32). That means that every aspect of marriage will teach us more about God's love for us. This is the angle I took on the study questions for Sacred Marriage (PDF) I put together our class. Each lesson looks at Thomas' teachings and than goes through a Bible study related to that topic.

I recommend this book as it will encourage you in your marriage, and it is easy to read. This make it great for group discussions. I was able to do more than one chapter per week, and even though my crowd was parents of preschoolers, they were able to find time to read the chapters.

It is so easy to become complacent in our marriages, so this book would be a good reminder to value and love your spouse - God's perfect gift for you. While you are at, let this book re-ignite your love for God. Marriage is meant to remind us of His love afterall.

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